Written by: Nathalie Theodore
As a psychotherapist, I often remind my clients how important it is to make time for self-care. Intent on practicing what I preach, one of the ways I commit to taking good care of myself is by practicing yoga regularly.
During a recent yoga class, I noticed that I was working very hard to hold a particular pose, and subsequently became aware of just how tense my muscles were. I reminded myself that yoga is about surrender, so I let go of the tension even though I was afraid to fall out of the pose. By letting go, I was able to deepen the posture considerably and hold it with much more ease. What a great metaphor for life, I realized. Sometimes you have to let go in order to move forward.
Oftentimes, we hold on to things so tightly that it holds us back in life. And, while the concept of “letting go” sounds simple enough, it can be difficult to recognize exactly what we’re holding on to and how to release it. Just like yoga, letting go is a practice that takes time and dedication. If you’re feeling stuck in life and are hoping to make some changes, read on for three ways that you can practice letting go.
- Let go of judgment
In many cases, we are our own harshest critics. We blame ourselves for things that are out of our control, and shame ourselves for making mistakes. Sometimes we find that our internal dialogue is littered with harsh words and phrases: “I’m an idiot,” “I’m not good enough,” I’m a failure.” Although we would never dream of uttering these words to a loved one, we use them against ourselves without reservation. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to let go of the negative self-talk and start being your own best friend. Focus on cultivating and nurturing your relationship with yourself by creating room in your life for healthy habits that make you happy. If you’re bored, take up a new hobby. If you’re stressed, make time for meditation. By taking care of yourself in a loving way, you can begin to repair your relationship with yourself and regain self-esteem. When you notice harsh thoughts creep into your mind (and they will continue to do so, for they are pretty ingrained by now) remember that these are just thoughts. You can choose to let them control your mood, or you can choose to let them go. With practice, letting go will become easier, and the thoughts will become less frequent and less intrusive.
- Let go of anger
Anger is a powerful emotion and, when we’re in the thick of it, it may seem nearly impossible to detach from its very strong grip. In some cases, we may be holding onto anger because we feel we’ve been treated poorly by a significant figure in our lives, such as a parent, a partner or a friend. Whether we continue to have contact with that person or not, we may have trouble maintaining healthy relationships with others because of the hurt that we are holding on to. Furthermore, we may become stuck in a pattern of feeling resentful and powerless. When we allow anger towards another person to control us, we are only hurting ourselves. Instead of carrying the heavy burden of that baggage, let it go and start thinking about what you can do to make yourself happier. Take ownership of what you do have control over and empower yourself to make positive changes instead of allowing your anger to control you.
- Let go of fear
Holding on to fear can hold us back from living our lives to the fullest. Sometimes life throws us curveballs, and we might have to make some major changes to work towards leading a happier life. As a career changer, I’m familiar with the risks involved in making a major life change. I am originally an attorney, and practiced law for three years before going back to school to become a psychotherapist. Now, the primary focus of my therapy practice is helping individuals who are experiencing dissatisfaction with their own careers, relationships or both. Because our careers and relationships are such a significant part of our lives, we are often too afraid to make the changes we need to feel more fulfilled. The mere thought of change causes our minds to run wild with questions: “What if my next job is worse than my current one?” “What if I let go of this relationship and can’t find a new partner?” People often reason that the misery they know is more tolerable than the fear of the unknown. The result is that we are likely to feel stuck in an unfulfilling job or remain in a dysfunctional relationship because we aren’t willing to take a risk. If fear is holding you back from making the changes you need to be happier, know that it’s okay to start small. You don’t have to make major life decisions overnight. Starting with small changes is a healthy way to take control of your life satisfaction, and can also build the momentum for greater change. If you are contemplating a career change but don’t know where to start, consider volunteering or shadowing someone in your field of interest. If you are experiencing relationship concerns, consider meeting with a therapist who can provide some perspective.
One of my favorite quotations is by the philosopher, Lao Tzu: “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Letting go can be difficult, but it’s well worth the effort. As I further my yoga practice, my intention will be to continue to be aware of what I’m holding on to, both physically and mentally, and keep reminding myself to let it go. Some days I may balance with ease and grace, and other days I may fall flat on my face. But so long as I continue to let go, I will continue to move forward.
